since im waiting til tomorrow for her to call me before she leaves to portland, tonight i end up going out after work. my friend works at a bar with pink lighting and white walls and she gives me free chilled shots of tequila and velvet chocolate cupcakes. feelin pretty good when i reach the next destination- ladies night at the bar on castro. see a girl who looks like eva amurri, susan surandon's daughter. make my friend ask her if its her, is it really her? no, but she's equally hot, she gets asked that all the time. friend shakes me and shakes me and shakes me trying to get me to ask the beautiful girl to dance. trying to build my confidence, she tells me ive lost my baby cheeks. ten minutes later, after dancing to madonna and overplayed m.i.a, i leave, eating goldfish crackers on the way home. get home and end up making a mixed cd for the girl who i am most likely a rebound to. but my body cant stop moving, cant stop thinking about her, thinking about how she calls me in the middle of the night, how she cant sleep; she's playing sudoku in her pajamas and wants to talk to me. i cant take it, i sit on my stoop with a cigarette as we talk about anything; i could stay out there for hours. selflessness is unattractive so i tell her i have to go and fall asleep smiling because she thought of me. this is dangerous.
ps/ what are your favorite (unrequited) love songs? the more depressing the better.