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[17 Apr 2009|03:35am] |
i dont know what it is but i am like a curse when it come to dating? shit. is there something in my teeth? is it my personality? my tummy? my boobs? my cynical, jaded nature? do i come off too strong?
WHAT IS IT?! PLEASE, SOMEBODY PUT THIS WOUNDED DEER LYING ON THE HIGHWAY OUT OF ITS MISERY.
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[02 Apr 2009|10:51pm] |
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DO NOT SELF-SABOTAGE!
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[21 Nov 2008|11:15pm] |
i know we can't be together now.
i just want to know that you'll look for me in the apocalyptic moment.
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[18 Aug 2008|12:34am] |
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involuntary muscles of the heart do more than just contract.
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[14 Aug 2008|01:25am] |
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sometimes, songs just arent full enough of everything needed to satiate an exploding heart.
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[05 Aug 2008|11:33pm] |
since im waiting til tomorrow for her to call me before she leaves to portland, tonight i end up going out after work. my friend works at a bar with pink lighting and white walls and she gives me free chilled shots of tequila and velvet chocolate cupcakes. feelin pretty good when i reach the next destination- ladies night at the bar on castro. see a girl who looks like eva amurri, susan surandon's daughter. make my friend ask her if its her, is it really her? no, but she's equally hot, she gets asked that all the time. friend shakes me and shakes me and shakes me trying to get me to ask the beautiful girl to dance. trying to build my confidence, she tells me ive lost my baby cheeks. ten minutes later, after dancing to madonna and overplayed m.i.a, i leave, eating goldfish crackers on the way home. get home and end up making a mixed cd for the girl who i am most likely a rebound to. but my body cant stop moving, cant stop thinking about her, thinking about how she calls me in the middle of the night, how she cant sleep; she's playing sudoku in her pajamas and wants to talk to me. i cant take it, i sit on my stoop with a cigarette as we talk about anything; i could stay out there for hours. selflessness is unattractive so i tell her i have to go and fall asleep smiling because she thought of me. this is dangerous.
ps/ what are your favorite (unrequited) love songs? the more depressing the better.
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[03 Aug 2008|06:47pm] |
I HAVE THE BIGGEST CRUSH ON YOU!!!!!!!!!!! I CANT BELIEVE WE CLIMBED TREES TOGETHER. IM IN LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE.
please like me back.
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[01 Aug 2008|01:31pm] |
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mood |
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giddy. |
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music |
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sea of love |
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its nice being able to talk to my mom about girls i am crushing on.
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[10 Apr 2008|11:12pm] |
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i made a wish on some blue gypsy dust at a cafe on 24th and mission. my wish (which it is safe to disclose) was "to not be afraid to do the things i really want to do." its been pretty real, so far; pretty rad, if you ask me.
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[16 Mar 2008|02:49am] |
"hey do you want a beer while you are waiting?"
and then comes the revelation that i exist, that people can see me.
"really?... sure."
confirmation feels surprisingly fulfilling, surprisingly spontaneous as i skip the missed connections ad and just fucking go for it.
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[05 Mar 2008|08:50am] |
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what frightens me about san francisco is that no one knows the mai of 2004. no one knows about the integra and the silly sticker of my name that my dad put on my car "as a surprise." no one knows that before these tall, white walls, i had hot pink ones that had black eye liner smears around the mirror that hung at the front of the room. no one knows about bowls of rice at dinner time and where my grandma kept the good fruit snacks. no one knows what happened in her bathroom when i was three and found out about at sixteen. what frightens me about san francisco is that no one knows me, 2008. it frightens me that i live two lives, and no one knows that what they see is just one of the havles (.5). i am always between the cracks. what frightens me is that i am always so disappointed. there is probably only one space in the entire city i feel safe and its a small space with 10 chairs and a printer and a microwave and couches that are drenched in sun at 12:35pm, daily. and when im in there alone, i think about what i will tell the kids i will never have, how i will share with them the beauty of the bleakness of white tile in a room lacking funds but is abundant with great thought along the southern wall. i have decided that i am going to be a writer. i am going to be one of those writers that start by writing really great things, and as time goes on, the pieces just get too abstract and odd and nobody likes them; they wont make sense, to anyone, but me, as i slip into a lonely state of alcoholism and depression because i have completely isolated myself from the rest of the world.
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[27 Feb 2008|10:07pm] |
my homework for my creative writing class is to write an angry love poem.
terrific! should be a piece of fucking cake.
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| i wrote this in pencil on the last page of the book you gave me. |
[22 Feb 2008|10:38am] |
you were a boa constrictor when i came to revisit you. you were shiny and new. i realized that i dont shed, like you do. you slithered around with a flickering tongue and it tickled my neck but made me nervous. i didnt know if you were planning to make me your prey, or play. you did neither. but you swung form the branches of your new home, oblivious of my desire to engage with you. and when i left, i left whole, untouched, and defeated.
i found your dead skin in my jacket pocket.
it crumbled between my fingers into thin flakes. as i walked along the land that was no longer my home, i spinkled your old skin across the sunken expanse, crowded with too much beauty that i couldnt help but feel regret.
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[08 Feb 2008|09:41am] |
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to me, it is nice to know that after 3+ years, my friend is still a friend i can buy a $5 dollar bottle of wine with. its nice to know that on the way to wherever were going, we can still take our time because were not rushing to somewhere we would rather be. it is nice to know that we both can enjoy the nomadic freedom of sidewalks and unplanned agendas so that we want to stop on church stoops and theorize about politics, history and capitalism. it's nice to know that we have both grown in a way that lets us make eye contact across the room, and with a raised eyebrow, we both want to leave as we roll our eyes at 21 year olds 'owning' expensive property on shotwell.
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[23 Jan 2008|05:03pm] |
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youre just so easy to write about. i think about you and the pen starts to move, like when david copperfield made the napkin dance.
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| DEFINITIONS. |
[12 Jan 2008|02:27am] |
stupid: annoying or irritating; troublesome: [ex. Turn off that stupid radio.]
(this)
naive: not having previously been the subject of a scientific experiment, as an animal.
(me)
done (with it): 1. worn out; exhausted; used up.
2. completed; finished; through: [ex. Our work is done.}
(also me.)
and i thought the guy with the ugly christmas sweater on christmas was bad.
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[25 Dec 2007|08:32pm] |
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fuck your stupid fucking christmas.
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[15 Dec 2007|02:28am] |
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music |
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you can do it- ice cube |
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i swear to god i am going to finish my first final paper tonight. i will stay awake with coffee and green tea and supplement my mind wandering by illegally downloading ice cube, TLC, tatyana ali, and Salt N Peppa. yeah.
my eyes are on the relationship between feminist theory and practice, but my ears and ass are in the gymnasium of my junior high school.
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[10 Dec 2007|07:25pm] |
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i wanted to move my room around and ended up breaking my bed. now its in pieces on the curb.
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